Reborn ~ 7th Sober Birthday Sobriety requires courage and grace…Getting sober takes an immense amount of courage, and it deserves to be celebrated. When I think back to my first few days sober, I don’t remember any feelings of pride. I was fighting harder than ever before to take back my life from addiction, but I was still overwhelmed with embarrassment and shame. I had so much trauma, pain and unresolved hurts. To quit using meant to face a great unknown. I didn’t know whether I’d be able to find happiness on the other side. I had covered up all the emotional, mental and physical pain for years. Through unhealthy habits and addictions. I had allowed the pressure of childhood trauma, abuse, rape, unhealthy habits, eating disorder, my health issues and so much more take over me. The pressure built up till it boiled over, I turned to drugs. I found myself losing control of everything, that I was trying to control. As sad as it sounds I found comfort in those drugs because it helped me escape ALL of my pain. I honestly had hoped it would end my life. I am often humbled that my past sin and failure are now woven into my testimony of grace and forgiveness and used by God daily. God has used the greatest failures, mistakes, sin, embarrassment and humiliation to reflect His mercy and grace over my life. What was once hidden under shame and darkness is now exposed in the light of His amazing grace. He is glorified through my past which is an amazing paradox of God’s character and I marvel because He really does bring beauty from ashes and can weave all our past sin into a beautiful tapestry of grace and forgiveness that shines His glory. I’m living testament that we aren’t defined by our past, rather we are defined by grace…. and the courage we have to change. He doesn’t finish there, no, then He uses our past to reach, teach and encourage others. I wasn’t sure what my life would be like without any crutches, but I had to take a leap of faith and get sober. I took that leap, and it was one of the bravest things I’ve done. I remember the day I got on knees crying out to Jesus. I was homeless, cold, in and out of jail, barely 90lbs, my face sunken in and gray… I had one foot at death’s door and so very desperate for that courage to change. The simple act of praying had became something much bigger than I would have ever imagined. It became my hope and faith. Today I fight all my battles on my knees. Today that courage and grace has given me another year clean and sober…Today I celebrate 7 years clean and sober.
